Today, Monday 19th March 2018 while I was enjoying my 10-minute drive alone to pick the twins up from nursery, I was blasting the music whilst embarrassingly singing and dancing along like I always do. I was playing the “I Miss ‘90s R&B” playlist on Apple Music and my tune came on you know ‘The Boy Is Mine’ by Brandy and Monica.
WELL I THOUGHT IT WAS MY TUNE UNTIL TODAY.
I have been listening to this song for as long as I can remember. However, the most significant thing is that what the song means to me has changed and I mean changed massively. Now I know the visuals show two women working together to confront this ‘boy’ about his dog-like behaviour but without that, the song’s lyrics are two women fighting for the love of this ‘boy’ who has been playing them both.
“You need to give it up
Had about enough
It’s not hard to see
The boy is mine
I’m sorry that you
Seem to be confused
He belongs to me
The boy is mine” – Brandy & Monica (1998)
I can’t express how detrimental I think the lyrics are to young women, but I can tell you how they made the 20-year-old Lucia feel. Almost five years ago the 20-year-old Lucia had no real commitments, my life consisted of making sure I got up for work, paid my car payments on time and spent time with my ‘man’. Basically, what I’m trying to say is my life revolved around that one person.
Before getting into what I’d look back and call a situationship, I had never got that phone call where the girl on the other end of the phone is shouting obscenities at you about her man, which you thought was your man. So, when I did get that phone call I was hurt to the point where I felt like I wanted to vomit. Now if you’ve ever been through this ladies, you’ll know the scene of events.
Correct me if I’m wrong but it usually goes something like this-
11:45pm: The girl phones you to shout at you about the boyfriend you allegedly share
11:55pm: You call your ‘boyfriend’ to get the evidence (I have no idea why this is a step, he is not about to tell you the truth) and he then gets defensive and hangs up
00:10: You attempt to call him back and it goes to voicemail and to make matters worse the phone of the girl who shouted obscenities at you has also gone to voicemail
00:30: You then start searching for evidence on every social media platform until you come across the girl in question
The Next Day: Your ‘man’ returns with the story that he has had all night to think of “the girl is crazy, he slept with her once” blah, blah, blah. And you stupidly force yourself to believe him (Girl, how did she get your number if he had only slept with her once?)
After such event, I’d put on some music old school R&B to be more precise and of course ‘The boy is mine’ would come on and make me feel empowered. I would sing my heart out to the lyrics and think this b*$ch hasn’t got nothing on me and even if he was seeing her, he chose me because just like the song lyrics say “you can’t destroy this love I’ve found, your silly games I won’t allow. The boy is mine without a doubt, you might as well throw in the towel” and I would feel as though I had won something when in fact neither of us were winning, both of us were losing.
So, when the song came on today, I found myself changing the lyrics. I won’t embarrass myself further by recording my remix, but I changed the lyrics to “the boy is not mine and he isn’t s@£t to me if I’m having to have this conversation with you”. No, seriously though if you listen to the song and you relate on every level please assess your current situation, and if ever you find yourself having this conversation or a girl (I say girl, because women don’t act up like this) shouts obscenities down your phone then he’s not your man, he isn’t her man, he is no one’s yet everyone’s man and you deserve better girl.
If this is what maturity feels like, I can’t wait to meet the 30-year-old Lucia. On that note, know your worth ladies and above all else LOVE THY SELF.
Drop me a comment and let me know what you think. Do you agree with me, are the song lyrics detrimental or am I taking them the wrong way?