I should probably start off by acknowledging the elephant in the room. I mean if you haven’t noticed it yet then you will definitely notice it now but dum is spelt wrong. Now you may have thought wow she’s got some balls claiming to be a blogger, she’s even a university student and she can’t spell dum, I mean dumb. But, no. this is actually a quote, a quote I took from a heated text exchange with a man clearly threatened by my intelligence.
“Everything I experience and write is mine to put out there as I wish”
Now, the thing is I wasn’t going to share this blog post because admittedly I still feel quite vulnerable about the situation. Not the text exchange but the situation as a whole. Until I spoke to my sister Laura. She didn’t even mention this blog post but what she did say made me feel like why shouldn’t I share this. She said, “I know your discovering the positives of parenting alone, but you can reach out to more people by writing about more than your life as a mother”. Long story short but I took down my breast enlargement blog because I felt like I was being judged. Anyway, she told me to put it back up and she was right it’s my story. Everything I experience and write is mine to put out there as I wish.
But, back to the quote. I can’t quite seem to get it out my head, it’s ironic because the word used to insult my intelligence is spelt wrong. What gets me though, is the “always be” part. That’s the bit I can’t quite shake off.
“My self-worth was based on my appearance, my outer and body rather than what was on the inside”
Growing up, I was never really in touch with my intelligence. I would always down play it because honestly, it wasn’t cool. I was happy to receive c’s and d’s in my GCSE’s because I was more than ok with settling. In my head the way I looked was more important than what I knew. My self-worth was based on my appearance, my outer and body rather than what was on the inside. Anyone who did, had every right to assume I was dumb. Seriously, they’re probably couldn’t have been a better description for me at the time. Especially for those who didn’t truly know me, even now I’m sure someone from my past will read this and be like there’s no way thats the same girl but things have changed, and this is why I’m so annoyed by the “always be” part.
“Everyone other than the narcissist is below the narcissist”
The problem here is that narcissistic people are unable to acknowledge the growth of a person, they believe to be below them and let’s be real everyone other than the narcissist is below the narcissist. But your girl has read a few books, is studying psychology, blogs in her spare time, is raising two very intelligent children and most significantly in relation to this clued up to this psychologically damaging behaviour.
Now I’ve grown through this behaviour but there’s only so much growth you can do while you allow this type of energy to come your way. Seriously ladies, while you might think you can ignore these words or forget what’s been said subconsciously it is affecting you and you don’t need it.
“If ever you have to be a b*tch make sure you’re a bad one”
For the first time ever, my reply to this was “Sir. Goodbye” and that ladies is what we call growth. Even if you have to block and delete, just keep it moving. If I could tell my younger self anything it would be that “young doesn’t have to mean dumb and even if you are struggling read your way out (literally) it works” and most importantly, “if ever you have to be a b*tch make sure you’re a bad one”.
So, to all my younger readers and actually anyone who feels held back. You haven’t got to “always be” anything you don’t want to be. It’s takes some steps towards finding yourself, falling in love with yourself and continuing to evolve.
“Like flowers, we can also choose to bloom” –
the goddesss rebellion
If you had the chance, what would you have told your younger self?