Because, honestly, I have no desire to. There’s so many misconceptions about being a single mom and here you can find 14 of the most annoying. But, the most common one is that we’re all desperate to get into a relationship and for someone to save us. I’ve been single for almost three years, and while I think about how amazing it would be to have someone to mow the lawn or take out the bins, I have no plans to get into a relationship. I’m in a relationship with myself. I’m enjoying the journey I’m on, in which I’m becoming the best version of myself. I have never loved myself so much before and I mean that in the least big-headed way possible.
“My future man will be working on
becoming the best version of himself right now”
These three years have taught me the most in terms of what I want for myself, my family and for the man I will eventually let into the Two of them One of me family. In my head my future man will be working on becoming the best version of himself right now and when the time is right we will come together, our energies will match, our needs and wants will reflect one another’s and we will grow beyond what is the best version of ourselves. Now, this may sound fairytale like, but I refuse to settle for anything less than a reflection of the best version of myself.
“If I can help it I won’t let anything,
or anyone hurt them”
I’m also very conscious about the way my children experience happiness and how I want them to look back at the mother I was when they were growing up. I know I won’t always have control over how they experience life. But, I have now. I control pretty much everything that happens to them and if I can help it I won’t let anything, or anyone hurt them.
“I could choose
the wrong person”
The twins wants and needs will always come first. Stability is also key and I will not apply the rule “trial and error” to this aspect of parenting. Don’t get me wrong, I’m so aware that even when I get to a place where I’m sure I’m the best version of myself, I could choose the wrong person. And you could say that the twins will be affected regardless of whether it’s today or in ten years.
“All they would have learnt is
how to un-love someone”
However, me and the twins learn something new about each other everyday. We are all learning how to love each other effectively. And, that’s why I have no desire to move on in a way that society suggests I should. Before I know it, we’re three stepdads down the line and all they would have learnt is how to un-love someone and have hate in their heart. I’ve seen it one to many times and seriously, that’s my biggest fear. I refuse to be that mom. I refuse to let anyone ruin what the three of us have, and I refuse to let anyone change the way my children view me, how they view life and especially how they view love.
“She still not over
the twin’s father”
I’ve heard it far too many times, “She’s not moved on yet, she must still be hooked on children’s dad”. And while at times I think to myself wow it’s been a while, or I could really do with someone washing my back (the twins broke my back brush). I will not be pressured into “moving on”. And, neither should anyone else.
“I’m willing to end
up like anything”
You could say who wants to be 70 and alone, and I’d say who wants a daughter that settles for less then she deserves and a son who disregards women’s feelings because that’s all he knows. For the sake of the twin’s mental well being, I’m willing to end up “alone”. As well as that though, I, myself am in the process of piecing my heart back together, focusing on my mental and physical health and building back my confidence from where it was left on the ground. There’s no timeline for love, when it’s meant to be it will be, on gods timing of course and god knows neither I nor the twins are ready to introduce a man into our home.
“But don’t ever feel the
pressure of societal norms”
So, ladies learn to love yourself first, work on you and your family. Figure out what kind of man you want in yours and your children’s lives. And then “move on”. But don’t ever feel the pressure of societal norms or picture-perfect families to get into a relationship or worse stay with or go back to someone who isn’t for you mentally, physically or spiritually, just for the sake of not being alone.