I’m Coming to You as a Woman.

To tell you that you are enough and there’s nothing you could have done to stop him cheating on you. It’s crazy because although women empowerment and girl power are more popular now than ever, there’s still so many of us that have this “I can change a man” mentality or the idea that your lady bits are so ‘tun up’ that he won’t sleep with anyone else or even worse start a whole second life with another women. Where this came from, I’d love to know but I know my head has been in that space.

“No two individuals are the same”

I was so damn naive when I started my last relationship, so naive that I thought I was different from all the women he had seen before, so different that I was above them and that then meant he wasn’t going to stray. Now I know no two individuals are the same, but that doesn’t make you any better than anyone else, including the women he cheated with. However, I didn’t quite understand this at the time.

“I’ve got a lot going for me”

I had, or shall I say have all these great qualities, I can cook, my house is clean, I look after myself, I’m smart. Basically, I have all the qualities in which society suggests will keep a man. I’ve got a lot going for me, if I do say myself. But, so did the girls before, during and after me for that matter. If anything, we’re quite similar. We’re both attracted to this man, we’ve both shared intimate moments with this man. We’ve got something quite major in common and that is full-filling this man’s needs in whatever way.

“Don’t look down on yourself”

And, this is exactly what I mean when I say there’s nothing you could have done or can do. So, my advice to all of you queens is, don’t look down on yourself or try to make ‘improvements’ for the sake of someone else. It’s so easy to start finding flaws within yourself when someone you love with all your heart has looked for attention, pleasure whatever it may be from someone else. However, there’s nothing wrong with your body, there’s nothing wrong with your cooking, there’s nothing wrong with you at all.

“Delete him, cut him out”

No matter how many times you force him to broadcast your relationship on social media or how many times you tell him to give you the girl in questions number, he won’t stop until you do. What I mean by you stopping is, stop allowing him to bring this negativity to you, stop him from humiliating you and stop him from having the right to control your happiness. DELETE him, cut him out. That’s the only way you can “stop” him from cheating. You could say “men can change” and I 100% disagree. We can have this debate till the end of time because I genuinely believe that a man who has already pursued another woman while being in a relationship with you, will continue to do so for as long as he gets away with it. And, he’s getting away with every-time you confront him and take him back.

“I also find it empowering when I see a woman

getting what she deserves”

I find it so hard to watch a woman go through this and watch them become less of who they are. When I look back I really can’t imagine what it was like for the people around me to watch me continuously alter my persona for someone who just didn’t care for me at all. I also find it empowering when I see a woman getting what she deserves when she finally sees her worth. The car she wants, the degree she’s been dreaming of, the holidays she could never have imagined of before, her dream job. Her potential was never going to be reached while she was allowing someone who saw her as less of a queen to intoxicate her mind, body and soul.

“I’m coming to you as a woman”

I’m coming to you as a woman, because it causes me hurt in my heart. You’re a queen, don’t let anyone treat you like your less than. And, I know it’s hard. Super hard even, and you’ll start to wonder “Am I throwing all this away” s£%t he might even say “you’re going to throw all this away because I slept with Sallyanne once” but he threw it away the moment he slid into Sandra’s DM’s.

(Sorry if your names Sallyanne or Sandra, it’s nothing personal)

Take back your life ladies.

I'm Coming to You as a Woman

 Think about something you’ve always wanted to do. What are your aspirations? What do you really want from life? Would you treat yourself, how you allow him to treat you? When was the last time you even asked yourself these questions? Do you really need to be in this situation?

After you’ve answered all of those questions, repeat after me;





Also, before I end this blog I want to get a bit more serious, about leaving someone and taking back your life. I’m not going to refer to this as a him and her situation. As we know, abuse isn’t always against women and occurs in homosexual relationships too. Nevertheless, I am aware that being in an abusive relationship can make it a thousand times harder to leave. Regardless of whether it’s physical abuse, psychological abuse or coercive control. I’m also aware that if you’re experiencing some sort of abuse you may read this post. And think, “it’s easy for Lucia to write this now, because she’s happy” and your totally right, I can’t disagree. But, you can do this, I promise. You could start by contacting the charities I’ve linked below:

Mankind Initiative 

I wish you all best and if you’d like to talk, contact me I’ll get straight back to you



14 thoughts on “I’m Coming to You as a Woman.

  1. This was absolutely brilliant. I like the clever use of the title. Where I am not sure about forgiving him and he can change…I will say from my experience I took him back but it felt like something had died within me and I could never see him the same again.

    And you do have a valid point, I don’t know why we think we are enough for him not to cheat. It has nothing to do with us and everything to do with him and the choices he makes!

    This was worth the wait!!!

  2. Love this! I think the problem is that we’re not taught self love from young. so we grow up looking for someone else to love us, while we constantly find flaws in ourselves, but the moment we realise we create our own happiness is the moment we can finally walk away from toxic situations like this and begin to love ourselves and live the life we truly deserve with the right people in it💞

    1. Thank you!
      And you are so right, I think the resources available to us today are amazing. Growing up of course like you say we heard nothing of self-love and people that did love themselves were seen as vain or self obsessed. Now, we have books, social media and so much more which I hope as a collective we can use to pass on to our children and create the best generation yet

  3. This post was fantastic 👏🏾👏🏾🙌🏾 And I know that it came from a real place. It is not easy taking back your power and walking away, especially when you are used to someone, but thank God for strength. When you finally realize, you deserve more, nothing will ever hold you back. I can tell that you have to much more to share and I encourage to keep telling your story. Also the ”im coming to you as a woman” stance was perfect. I can feel your true concern for women taking a stand for themselves, it’s real and not sugar coated.
    Thank you for this, it served as a good reminder to me!





    Keep up the good work my blogging sis💕😘


    1. Thank you so much Jenna 💕
      Firstly I’m so glad you enjoyed it, and that you knew exactly where my heart was when I wrote this! It’s also so easy for us to forget to tell ourselves how amazing we are, as we go about our daily lives, so it makes my heart full to know this post served as a reminder to you.
      You’re truly an amazing women, and blogging sis of course, thanks again 🤗❤️

  4. This is a brilliant read and so very true! You’re post will certainly help women who feel that they can change a man. Unfortunately when a man behaves like this it’s because he has deep issues, but to go and treat someone like rubbish is wrong. Anyway more power to you and it’s his loss. Stay strong, stay blessed! 💞

  5. Fantastic post! I was mentally screaming “YASSSSS” all the way through.
    I think sometimes we have to go through it to really learn from it. Society teaches us to prove our love to a man by sticking by him while he piles a whole heap of shit and fuckery and heartbreak and mind games onto our shoulders, and for the most part we do it. But I believe we reach a point where enough is enough, and once a woman has made her mind up there’s no coming back from it.
    Love the message in this post. I see you, Queen x

    1. You’re are right, it’s very hard to unlearn the things society continues to ram down our throats, but like you said once we have made up our minds there’s no going back.
      Thanks so much 💕💕

  6. I didn’t know my worth till I was almost 30 years old because of trying to “keep a man” I vowed as a mother to teach my daughters “dudes are cool but you don’t need one to live” I think the biggest thing o learned was what my grandfather had taught me my whole life one day I just started to believe it “you are the prize” men cheat, not every man but some do and that’s their flaw. Women have to see the two are not connected you can still be a prize and be cheated on. Your worth doesn’t diminish because someone else made a mistake. I love this post. You dropping knowledge. You’re truly a gift. Blessings to you and those beautiful girls.

    1. It’s better late then never!
      I love that you are now able to see your worth because it’s such a beautiful thing. I love that ‘you are the prize’ I will be using that in future. Thank you so much, wish you and your family all the best 💕💕

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