To tell you that you are enough and there’s nothing you could have done to stop him cheating on you. It’s crazy because although women empowerment and girl power are more popular now than ever, there’s still so many of us that have this “I can change a man” mentality or the idea that your lady bits are so ‘tun up’ that he won’t sleep with anyone else or even worse start a whole second life with another women. Where this came from, I’d love to know but I know my head has been in that space.
“No two individuals are the same”
I was so damn naive when I started my last relationship, so naive that I thought I was different from all the women he had seen before, so different that I was above them and that then meant he wasn’t going to stray. Now I know no two individuals are the same, but that doesn’t make you any better than anyone else, including the women he cheated with. However, I didn’t quite understand this at the time.
“I’ve got a lot going for me”
I had, or shall I say have all these great qualities, I can cook, my house is clean, I look after myself, I’m smart. Basically, I have all the qualities in which society suggests will keep a man. I’ve got a lot going for me, if I do say myself. But, so did the girls before, during and after me for that matter. If anything, we’re quite similar. We’re both attracted to this man, we’ve both shared intimate moments with this man. We’ve got something quite major in common and that is full-filling this man’s needs in whatever way.
“Don’t look down on yourself”
And, this is exactly what I mean when I say there’s nothing you could have done or can do. So, my advice to all of you queens is, don’t look down on yourself or try to make ‘improvements’ for the sake of someone else. It’s so easy to start finding flaws within yourself when someone you love with all your heart has looked for attention, pleasure whatever it may be from someone else. However, there’s nothing wrong with your body, there’s nothing wrong with your cooking, there’s nothing wrong with you at all.
“Delete him, cut him out”
No matter how many times you force him to broadcast your relationship on social media or how many times you tell him to give you the girl in questions number, he won’t stop until you do. What I mean by you stopping is, stop allowing him to bring this negativity to you, stop him from humiliating you and stop him from having the right to control your happiness. DELETE him, cut him out. That’s the only way you can “stop” him from cheating. You could say “men can change” and I 100% disagree. We can have this debate till the end of time because I genuinely believe that a man who has already pursued another woman while being in a relationship with you, will continue to do so for as long as he gets away with it. And, he’s getting away with every-time you confront him and take him back.
“I also find it empowering when I see a woman
getting what she deserves”
I find it so hard to watch a woman go through this and watch them become less of who they are. When I look back I really can’t imagine what it was like for the people around me to watch me continuously alter my persona for someone who just didn’t care for me at all. I also find it empowering when I see a woman getting what she deserves when she finally sees her worth. The car she wants, the degree she’s been dreaming of, the holidays she could never have imagined of before, her dream job. Her potential was never going to be reached while she was allowing someone who saw her as less of a queen to intoxicate her mind, body and soul.
“I’m coming to you as a woman”
I’m coming to you as a woman, because it causes me hurt in my heart. You’re a queen, don’t let anyone treat you like your less than. And, I know it’s hard. Super hard even, and you’ll start to wonder “Am I throwing all this away” s£%t he might even say “you’re going to throw all this away because I slept with Sallyanne once” but he threw it away the moment he slid into Sandra’s DM’s.
(Sorry if your names Sallyanne or Sandra, it’s nothing personal)
Take back your life ladies.
Think about something you’ve always wanted to do. What are your aspirations? What do you really want from life? Would you treat yourself, how you allow him to treat you? When was the last time you even asked yourself these questions? Do you really need to be in this situation?
After you’ve answered all of those questions, repeat after me;
I AM MORE
I AM WORTHY
I AM STRONG
I WILL SURVIVE
Also, before I end this blog I want to get a bit more serious, about leaving someone and taking back your life. I’m not going to refer to this as a him and her situation. As we know, abuse isn’t always against women and occurs in homosexual relationships too. Nevertheless, I am aware that being in an abusive relationship can make it a thousand times harder to leave. Regardless of whether it’s physical abuse, psychological abuse or coercive control. I’m also aware that if you’re experiencing some sort of abuse you may read this post. And think, “it’s easy for Lucia to write this now, because she’s happy” and your totally right, I can’t disagree. But, you can do this, I promise. You could start by contacting the charities I’ve linked below:
I wish you all best and if you’d like to talk, contact me I’ll get straight back to you