Feeling Out of Touch.

Disclaimer: I wrote this post a few days ago and while I hate to be Negative Nancy. I’d hate to put across a false representation of my life. And, if I’m going to show you all the positives I figured you guys deserve to know it’s not always so easy even if the pictures I post show you otherwise.

I don’t know. I can’t quite put my finger on it.  For the past couple of weeks I’ve been feeling out of touch. I haven’t written a post for the longest time. Well I have but I haven’t felt as though they were good enough share.

I’ve had to look back and re-read blog posts to encourage myself to write. My tag line is “discovering the positives of parenting alone …”. And all my post so far have been quite positive and uplifting. However, when I started my blogging journey, I promised to be relatable. I’ve come to realize in order to be truly relatable I can’t shy away when I feel out of touch because chances are another woman in my position is feeling exactly the same.

Feeling Out of Touch

Now, I’m very much a realist and I knew when I made the three biggest decisions of my life so far that things weren’t going to be easy. But that doesn’t stop me feeling down or overwhelmed and I certainly shouldn’t feel guilty for feeling as though I need an escape.

“I need a break from my own thoughts”

If anyone has said to you “I never told you have them” or “you should have waited”. Then you will know exactly what I’m talking about. It’s funny because I feel like people assume all my stresses are linked to be a single mom. And that’s certainly not the case. The twins didn’t wear the tyre out on the car a few weeks ago, the twins didn’t give me acne. What really infuriates me is that I can’t feel a certain way about something without someone thinking it has something to do with me not being able to cope.

The crazy thing is, is that up until very recently I thought this way too. “I need a break from the twins”, “the twins are stressing me out” when in hindsight I’m stressing them out with my negative energy and that’s why I think it’s so important to have a mom break.

I feel somewhat vulnerable sharing this with the internet but when the twins were around six months I started to get the feeling of being trapped. Don’t get me wrong, I know I’m lucky to have been blessed with twins. I know the opportunity to be a mother shouldn’t be taken for granted and I am forever grateful that god trusted me to raise the twins as a single parent. However, I had moved into a hostel and everything was moving so fast, my mind couldn’t quite cope.

It’s crazy because whenever I begin to feel like this, I feel instantly alone. As if no one has been through what I’ve been through. It’s even crazier that I’m able to write about it and I’m able to understand how I’m feeling. I become anxious about the feeling of being trapped returning and the fear of having no real structure. And, every so often I’m back in this negative head space.

“Healing is the end of conflict with yourself”

I guess I feel like it is so important for me to share the “negatives”. It would be easy for me to pop up again when I’m feeling myself. However, that would be painting a false picture of two of them one of me. I didn’t start this journey to make out raising twins alone was a walk in the park.

Also, don’t let anyone downplay your struggle including yourself. It’s so easy to compare your struggle to others. And feel like your complaining for nothing or even for people to say something like “you’re lucky because it could be worse”. The last time I checked struggling wasn’t a competition.

Feeling Out of Touch

“Every day may not be good but there’s good in every day”

P.s if you are struggling, as I have been. You might ask, how did I get out of it. Believe it or not I found nature helped massively. I’ve tried to disconnect over the past couple of days and we’ve visited some beautiful country parks not far from us. If you have any tips, please share them someone might need it.

feeling out of touch

feeling out of touch

Feeling out of touch

Love,

TwoofthemOneofme x

6 thoughts on “Feeling Out of Touch.

  1. I read this as soon as you posted it, but couldn’t leave a comment as Mum was doing my hair.

    You know I am a sucker for a raw blog post and this didn’t disappoint. As a woman who wants twins, but is not yet a mother, I can say I have often glamorised motherhood and it is so easy to do. However you are not alone as there are many mothers out there who would probably be applauding you in agreement with this post. I truly commend you for opening up and letting your readers in to see that you do have your not so great days. It’s relatable and although I do not have kids yet, this has served as a great reminder that motherhood is one hell of a journey. So I thank you for this. I also commend you, as you take this journey on by yourself. I can already see what a dedicated and loving mother you are, well done. I am inspired by your Motherhood journey!
    Lots of love to you and the twins xxx
    Jenna
    Xoxo

    1. Girl, Mum slayed your hair! (From what I saw on Instagram 👀)
      You are so right and I myself am quick to glamorise motherhood because it’s harder to tell people you might not be having the best day. Twins are such a blessing and I hope when you’re ready to start your own motherhood journey you are blessed with a pair lol. No, but seriously it’s important for me to show both sides of my journey because I’d hate for anyone to watch me, go into it blind and realise that there will definitely be days where they struggle.
      Thank you so much for the comment Jenna, it has honestly made my day and have a nice weekend girl 💕💕💕

  2. Wishing you a happy saturday. The twin are beautiful. Raising kids alone we need to change that life style am hoping many read this and come away with a different understanding of becoming parents. There a lot of factors that can end a parent in the alone bracket. If your in a develop country be it north america and some european countries reach out to parenting plan clinics these places have resources to aide parent struggling alone. We as parents have to get our self to a healthy place mentally, emotionally, physically. Reaching out to clinics for young mothers for emotional counciling is key. Single parents are at a higher risk for mental break down early in life and other disease. Am grateful you wrote this article and not suffer in silence. Thank you

  3. I am so happy that you shared this. We are all human and although I am not yet a mother, I can relate. These last few weeks I was uninspired and unmotivated. But my last post on self-esteem truly links to your post about not comparing yourself to others. I think we get wrapped up in the idea of being perfect we lose touch with ourselves. But that’s what I love about blogging and your posts, it brings us back to touch with our daily human experiences. I’m happy you got out of it by enjoying nature!! I love the pictures xxx

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