Guys, do you remember the girl I mentioned in The Boy is Mine- Part 1? Well, I’ve been that girl too. If you haven’t read part 1 yet, I’d recommend you do before continuing. It’s crazy because while I knew I wanted to talk about being ‘that girl’. The girl that does the whole ‘he’s my man’ thing. It was a comment I received on Part 1 that solidified the fact I had to address ‘being that girl’. The comment basically said the lyrics of the song could also encourage girls to confront the other woman (shout out to Mercedes for that comment by the way).
Now, I’m going to be so real in this post and tell you that I was once that girl, actually in my opinion I was worse than that. I’d love to sit here and tell you that once I found out, I was one of many that I ran as far away as possible. But I can’t, because I stayed around like a sucker for punishment. Honestly, you’d think I enjoyed being hurt. But, it gets even worse. Even after I had ended things I just couldn’t let go. I slightly mentioned this in “Ending One Chapter to Start Another”.
“It added fuel to the fire”
But, first I need to take you back, like way back. As much as I hate too, I can’t really tell you how I was ‘that girl’ without doing that, so here goes. Before and during my pregnancy, I went through the most in terms of mental abuse. I loved being pregnant, like freakishly loved it. I enjoyed pregnancy that much, I wondered why everyone would complain. What I didn’t love however, was the constant abuse I received from this girl (the girl I mentioned in “Black Enough”). Honestly, every time I received a phone call wishing bad things on me and my unborn babies or my Nan receiving phone calls consisting of obscenity shouting. It would add fuel to the fire. The only thing holding me back was carrying the twins. I mean, this was supposed to be the most stress-free time in my life. And as for cussing bad words to my Nan, well that made me vex. Listen guys, I was waiting for the perfect moment to retaliate.
“I didn’t start this blog to put on a facade”
I can’t continue without saying I don’t condone any sort of violence unless it’s absolutely necessary (don’t @ me). But, I’m sharing this because I didn’t start this blog to put on a facade. I’m human, I get angry and, in the past, I’ve acted out in ways I shouldn’t have. A part of me but not all of me, I’ll be honest is ashamed to say when I snapped back nothing could hold me back. In hindsight it wasn’t the best thing to do, actually it was irresponsible and irrational. But, it is what it is.
Long story short (inserts side eyes here) but no, if I ever get the chance to publish an autobiography I’ll tell you the whole story start to finish and if I die before that (god forbid I don’t) just hit up Laura and Keisha for the tea. Anyway, I happened to come into contact with the girl in question. Don’t get me wrong I had no intentions of being civil and that’s exactly what I wasn’t, civil.
“I didn’t regret it”
I’ll put my hands up and say I resembled something of an animal. At the time I felt as though I was having an outer body experience, my visibility was weak, and all the emotion and rage just came out and I saw red. It’s even more crazy because I didn’t regret it until I had called my friend Harpreet to tell him what had happened. Expecting him to be on my side. He says “that’s disgusting, you went looking for trouble” in utter shock I replied trying my hardest to defend myself, but he continued to tell me my actions weren’t justifiable.
And, boy was he right. I mean I can’t lie and say I regret it because I don’t regret anything. I also believe that everything happens for a reason. But, I can tell you the altercation didn’t change anything. It didn’t make me feel better about the situation, it did nothing for me. At the time, I thought my retaliation was a result of all the things that had occurred while I was pregnant. Now, looking back I was just sour. I still had the mindset of a broken women and seeing them together made me feel like I had lost. The thought of other people seeing them together made me sick because I was just so embarrassed.
“I’m loving this blogging thing, if you haven’t noticed”
I can’t even begin to tell you how much I’ve grown as a person. I really think I had to experience all these f*@ked up things to appreciate what I have now. And what I have now is true happiness. I have two wonderful, slightly hyperactive but amazing children. I graduate from university next year. I’m loving this blogging thing, if you haven’t noticed. The future is bright guys. But, truthfully, I did not feel like I’d experience happiness like I do now, before I let all the negativity go.
I can sit here and write about my experience and tell you that it’s better not to react at all. But, I for one know that’s easier said than done. I really had to deep the issues I had. First of all, little miss hot head the issue isn’t the other woman, it’s the man and most likely your own insecurities. I also held a lot in for a long time. My anger should have been vented elsewhere. In hindsight, your girl could have ended up in a lot of trouble. For something that I could of slept on and got over.
I’ve said this before but it’s so important to think about what you want in life, what’s the next step and what do you want for you and your family. Since I’ve been focusing on the end goal, nothing bothers me anymore. All the things I was once triggered by, passes me by like I’m walking on air.
If I could tell the person I was when I went to retaliate one thing it would be:
“Don’t give anyone the power to f%^k up your hopes and dream,
just kill them with success Queen”
I shouldn’t have ever got so caught up in such foolery but if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be able to tell you guys all about it. I hope I’m able to stop at least one of you queens from making such a decision (I know some of you are crazy, stop fronting lol). No, but seriously please don’t make the same mistake. By the way I still have bad days and feel down about things. Even though I’ve got this point of happiness, healing is a process. And no matter how much you try to make sure nothing brings you down someone, something will always try and hinder your journey whether it be intentional or not.
Even while trials will be sent your way, you’ve got to keep your head up.
Here’s some tips if ever you let your crown slip:
1. STAY FOCUSED
2. SET YOURSELF GOALS
3. PRACTICE SELF LOVE (IT’S IMPORTANT)
4. CUT OFF EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING THAT BRINGS YOU DOWN
5. SPEAK TO SOMEONE OR START A JOURNAL