Falling Back in Love with My Body.

I’m on a journey. A journey I have been on for quite some time but have never really opened up about. I’m Falling back in love with my body, and I feel like it’s going well. However, the opinions of others can often trigger me. People regularly get taken aback when I say this. But, I felt my body was at its best when I was pregnant with the twins. Yet, I was “skinny shamed” most when I was pregnant and that was so hard for me to deal with. People would ask what I was having, to which I would reply “twins”. The utter disbelief on their faces. Which was followed by a “no way, you’re so small” ,“there’s no way”, “you won’t go full term” or “I bet they’ve got no space in there”. Seriously, the list of what I took as insults were endless.

“You’ve lost weight”

Still, too this day as I mentioned I get comments about my weight. Just the other day while stopping off at the local corner shop. The little old lady who owns the shop commented on my weight. “You’ve lost weight” she said. To which I replied “no, I haven’t” and walked out, annoyed as hell. I then decided enough is enough and I’m taking to my keyboard to voice my annoyance. It’s not only the fact that this lady has never seen me without my big blanket coat on, its simply the fact that there’s no need for her, or anyone else’s input.

Falling Back in Love with My Body

Just before that, I caught myself in a real embarrassing situation. I was in the barbers chatting away for what could have been about 10 minutes. When I realised my crop top was caught in my bra. (Just picture me, son on my hip, crop top caught in bra, midriff on show, an actual mess). It didn’t take long for the barber to start giving me advice about weight gain. He continues to tell me I should be eating more, and what sort of food items I should be eating.

At this point, my friends interrupts to defend me and says “she eats more than me, I don’t know where she puts it”. This, didn’t stop him though, he then changes his approach and suggest I try the gym. Now, me and this barber have been flirting for months up until this point. Let’s just say the flirting is no longer, and I haven’t returned to have my hair cut there.

“I have lived my whole life trying to gain weight”

It wasn’t until I visited my doctor last year where I had to ask myself “what are you doing?”. My doctor, who must be sick of me coming in to talk about my weight at this point said, “there’s nothing I can give you, there’s nothing I can do, you are meant to look like this it’s genetics”. In that moment I thought f$%k this.

Nevertheless, my f£$k it attitude towards my weight hasn’t stopped random people from having their say on what I should look like, what I need to do to look that way and all the things I’m not doing including eating as you can see. And, I’m all the way over it. I have lived my whole life trying to gain weight, I have tried eating until I can’t eat anymore, weight training at the gym (for two weeks but still), protein shakes, the list is endless. However, I’m not killing myself trying to gain weight for it too just run out the other end.

Falling Back in Love with My Body

“I went through with surgery”

Although I have no plans to take strangers comments on board and start a weight gain journey, it’s still a touchy subject for me. I definitely still have insecure days, but I never expected the journey I’m on to be quick or easy. In my head I could do with some curves and bigger arms especially. Just over a year ago though, I had my breasts enlarged. While I’m happy with them now, chances are if I had started the journey to fall in love with my body before I went through with surgery, I wouldn’t have had them done. This is because at the time, they were my biggest insecurity.

Now I have had them done my biggest insecurity is my arms even more so than before. I really feel like you can continue to change things about your body, but you will always be unhappy about something if you don’t change your mindset. Now I never got my boobs done because of anyone elses opinion because actually no one was even looking at them at that point. But, whenever I have started to attempt gaining weight it’s been because of other people and my idea of the perfect body.

 “I just wish people would shut the f$%k up”

Situations, like the one’s at the corner shop and the barbers really get me in my feelings (as you can tell), but then I remember I am meant to look like this, this is how god made me (minus the 225cc implants). There is no changing my body and I’m at a point where I am learning to love my body the way it is. I just wish people would shut the f$%k up. Seriously. I sometimes wonder, why are people so concerned about what other people look like? Why are people so inconsiderate? Of course, I have witnessed “skinny shaming” first hand and it’s so unacceptable. Any kind of body shaming is downright UNACCEPTABLE!!

It triggers me every time I see someone like Jayde Pierce or Lydia Elise Millen to name just two being trolled online because of the size of their waist. Now, I am aware that some people might read this. And say, “what’s her problem, at least no one has told her she’s put it on” and that’s exactly what the problem is. The concept of skinny shaming is absurd to some. But, these comments are hurtful. And, lets face it, shaming one size to promote another doesn’t scream body positivity it’s all kinds of negative.

Falling Back in Love with My Body

“My Name is Lucia, I am 25 years old, I am a UK size 4-6, I eat as much or as little as I please, I am falling back in love with my body and I think weight gain journeys are PANTS”

 

TwoofthemOneofmex

14 thoughts on “Falling Back in Love with My Body.

  1. I definitely feel the same! So many people feel its ok to say “your so skinny” but if we were to say “your so fat” it’d be a big problem.

  2. I can relate. I feel like people always have something to say. People always have an opinion and want to share and think that everyone should take them on lol there’s no respect for individuality and so we are made to feel insecure! It really is an uphill battle to try not slip into wanting to please people and constantly need approval. But it’s do-able! Thank you for this post! You are extremely beautiful but you do not even need me to tell you that! Thank you for sharing!!

    1. Firstly, you too are extremely beautiful and absolutely correct. It is so do-able! I want women to read this and ask themselves “why am I doing this” and if the answer is for myself then YOU DO YOU, but to do something like dieting or weight gaining for others is NOT ok.
      Thanks for the comment Lia!!

  3. Lucia, you know I love a open blog post, so this was everything. Thank you for bringing me into your world by opening up about your experience of skinny shaming. People like to add their two cents in when it is not needed and sometimes it can be hard to hear it without wanting to rio somesones head off.

    I am so happy to know that you are falling back in love with yourself. Self love is key and it is something I go on and on about all the time but as you know it is so important.

    Just do what is right for your body babe and do not let anyones bullshit get in your way. You know who you are and you know your body.

    So happy to have a new blog post from you. Keep em coming!

    Your blogging sister
    Jenna |xoxo – https://jennasworldview.com/

    1. Jenna, I’m so glad you enjoyed reading this post!
      It was a difficult one to write, but I’m always hoping a women like me will find this and adopt the same f*#k attitude.

      The next person to comment on my weight I’ll be directing them straight to this post lol!!

      It’s been a while I know so thanks for sticking with me, your comment is life honestly xxx

  4. Its refreshing to hear the other side. I’m a bigger woman and I try my hardest to not be insensitive to anyone size. Thanks for sharing you thoughts, feelings and experience

  5. Everyone always wants to make a comment on other people’s bodies, the worst is when it’s something you just can’t help. I’m always told that I look younger when I am and people are shocked when I say I’m 20. Even the man who reads the gas meter asked me if an adult was home -.-
    I’ve never felt comfortable in my body, but growing up I’ve come to realise that nobody does. I’ve never met anyone completely happy with the way they look, I think it’s impossible to be! Self love is so important though and I am really trying to be nicer to myself and glad you are too.
    I really enjoyed this post!

    Lon x

  6. Fantastic post! Love yourself, you are awesome 🙂

    I wish some people would stop believing that every thought they have needed to be voiced. I heard a lot of comments as a teenager about how I was anorexic. Dude, I wasn’t even underweight! I had a perfectly normal body. But I would constantly eat til my tummy hurt just so I wouldn’t get thinner and I wouldn’t have to deal with the anorexia suspicions anymore.

  7. I can relate, I’m on the other end of the spectrum though, but at the end of the day, as long as you’re happy and you’re healthy that is all that matters in life!

    Love, Amie ❤
    The Curvaceous Vegan

  8. Thank you so much for that post! I really, really hate it when people think it’s okay to comment negatively on my body, just because I’m skinny. As if an insult is not an insult when you’re below size L.

    I was bullied as a chubby teenager, then bullied for being a dying girl with anorexia.
    Got over it and I’m keeping my low, but healthy weight (BMI 19) for over 15 years now. But today I am bullied for not being curvy enough, for not being a “real woman”.
    I’m 34 years old now, and when I need a business outfit I’m doomed because they don’t have my size and the children’s department is not that useful. Buying bras is even worse.

    But hey, I kinda like myself. And I have no health issues at all and I look about 10 years younger. Could be worse ^^

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