Last week I asked Ayden and Avia if they would like to stay at their aunties; As the girls from university were going out for dinner. However, to my surprise they both said “No, mom we don’t want too” and then it hit me. Not only have I never give them the opportunity to say no, but I also didn’t get that fear of missing out (FOMO) feeling. So, I passed on the plans to spend some much-needed time doing nothing with the twins.
However, when I look back I’d have jumped at the opportunity to spend time with the girls. And, more embarrassingly, I wouldn’t have asked the twins whether they wanted to go or not. If I couldn’t go because of whatever reason other than the fact I didn’t want to I’d have been pi*%ed. If I’m totally honest I went through stages of motherhood I just didn’t enjoy. I felt trapped and I’d use any excuse to have a break. Even while I didn’t go out much anyway, I feel like when the choice is somewhat taken away from you, you can begin to feel held back.
“It’s not every week leave your child”
Don’t get me wrong, I know the key in life is balance and having a break is vital to being able to enjoy each other. And I know for a fact the twins love having a break from me. They will openly ask to stay at Auntie Aysia’s and that’s OK. But, it’s not every week leave your child(ren) to do up “living my best life” in the club. I never have left the twins every week, because let’s be honest ain’t no one looking after twins that aren’t their own every week.
But I did get to go to Barcelona for three days. I was kid less for three whole days and although I had fun I didn’t do anything without saying “the twins would love this”, “it’s so child friendly here”. I said this so much I plan to visit Barcelona with the twins, so they can experience it with me.
I’m aware that this may come across a judgemental, but it’s my opinion. Your child/ children didn’t ask to be born. Therefore, they shouldn’t be offloaded at every opportunity. Again, my opinion is slightly judgemental and being a single mom, I know it’s difficult. I’m not saying having another parent for your child makes your experiences as a mother easier because I wouldn’t know. But, I’d like to think if there were two present parents I’d feel more comfortable to go out whenever I wanted to. But, I don’t so I must look after them, right?
“Fear of missing out on what my friends were doing”
I do feel like everyone has the FOMO at some stage in motherhood, though. And, it doesn’t have to be the fear of missing out clubbing either. Like I explained I definitely experienced the fear of missing out on what my friends were doing. But, the truth is I wasn’t missing out on anything. Your friend(s) will still be your friends and if they aren’t, they weren’t your friend(s) in the first place. The clubs will still be playing the same tunes and serving the same drinks they were serving when you were eighteen.
My experience of motherhood so far has really been an upward spiral. I am constantly thinking about what type of parent I want to be and how that will affect the twin’s upbringing. I always think about how the twins will describe me in years to come. And that’s what’s really important to me. I am so far from perfect. But, I do know that as a single mom. I know I’ll be the “cause” of absolutely everything they experience and of course, how they will make sense of life.
“While I was struggling with motherhood”
I will admit that while I was struggling with motherhood I wasn’t able to think about what was important and how to be the best mom I could be. And, so I found other ways to escape. I enrolled at college and started my academic journey. Nothing happens overnight, and I really mean it when I say it has taken me some time to discover the positives of parenting alone. I know for sure that in order to start your journey towards overcoming the FOMO you need to stop thinking about what things could have been, or what they should be like. Enjoy it, when the older generation constantly remind you of how you haven’t got long before your children are all grown up they aren’t lying.
“Try to find something that will have a positive effect”
I’m going to finish this post off by saying if you are experiencing FOMO as a mother, work towards finding what is REALLY important to you and your children. Try to find something that will have a positive effect on all of you. If I can promise you one thing it is that you will feel so much better when you have a mom break while also working towards a better future for your family.
Have you experienced FOMO as a mother, are you experiencing FOMO right now? Let me know in the comments.